Find things to laugh about throughout the day. Laughing immediately diffuses any situation. But if I can stop myself in that split second between stimulus and response, and choose to laugh instead of crying/yelling, we are much better off. If he tries his antics while I’m stressed or fragile, I am likely to get annoyed, offended or take it personal. He likes to answer my questions in …unexpected ways. And mix it up a bit, try new restaurants, do new things. And lets be honest, it just good to get out of the house.įor us, we decided to do date night every other weekend. Its good for me to get dressed up, just for my husband. Because life is busy! Its good to get away from the kids and try to talk about non-kid-related things. At some point, you need to just make a plan and move on. I think that extended therapy can make you continue to dwell on the problems and analyze them and theorize and on and on and on. After you’ve gotten everything off your chest, make a plan and get to it. The insights and encouragement are wonderful.īut, I also think that therapy should be temporary. Its great to have someone listen to you, and help you talk through things. Especially when you’re falling down into that pit. Photo by Melanie Rice Photography circa 2012 This is where it helps to be focused on things you’re grateful for (see #7). Sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see it. I would guess in most relationships, your spouse is doing enough. Whenever I am feeling like the victim (#2), and dwelling on how I’m so sick of whiny kids, I can remind myself that I have X number of hours til I get to escape to work and my husband will get the whiners. I work 12 hour shifts, so on my work days, my husband gets a heavy dose of solo parenting. Either cut back on what you’re doing, or have an adult conversation about divvying up your responsibilities.įor us, we really became equally yoked when I went back to work 2 days a week. And since you can’t change him (see #1), you are going to have to figure out another way to address this problem. This is related to #2, but if you’re working like a slave from dawn to dusk, and your husband watches ESPN for four hours when he gets home from work while you’re feeling like the martyr, you’re going to be miserable. You don’t have it worse than anyone else. You’re not trying harder than he is, you’re not suffering more than he is. Remember that your husband has just as many things he could be upset about that you do. You will drown if you are focusing on yourself. Let him know (nicely) and then let it go. But even then, if you’re focused too hard on trying to “motivate” your spouse to change, you’re still going to be focused on the thing that you want to change, and you’ll still be driving yourself crazy. With your example, positive encouragement, offering insight, etc. You can, however motivate people to change. ![]() The sooner you understand that, the better. This isn’t to say that people can’t change. So your only choice is to figure out how to live with it. If you have a problem with it, its YOUR problem. Now, realize that you can’t force him to change any of those things.Īnd really, they aren’t his problem. Think of all the things that bug you about your husband/relationship. And it took almost 8 years of him constantly trying to teach it to me before it finally sunk in. One that I would have never learned, if it weren’t for my husband. Realize you can’t change anyone but yourself. I wrote an email to my husband (that I never sent), shared it with my therapist and started climbing back out of the hole we’d dug for ourselves. To say it was a stressful time in our lives is an understatement.īut somewhere in year 7, after hitting rock bottom, a switch flipped and I had sudden clarity. Like, “cry every day for weeks straight” hard. ![]() Well, I suppose am an “other person” to someone else, because years 6-7 were definitely our hardest. I, of course, assumed that the 7 year itch wasn’t really real, and if it was, I was sure it would just happen to “other people.” ![]() Since we recently celebrated our 8th anniversary, I am totally qualified to write this. But there is hope! Here are a handful of helpful and actionable ways to start improving your marriage right now. For some couples, the 7 year itch is real.
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